You notice how I didn’t put friends in quotation marks? That’s because I know that at one time, we were friends. Even great friends. I would host house parties and cook, and I would always try to make sure no one was left out. Believe me, I know I’m not the best host…or even the best friend for that matter.
I have SO MANY imperfections…just like the rest of humanity. And I know at times I was a difficult person to be around, due to my head strong, opinionated, and sometimes selfish personality that can be easily perceived as bitchiness. However, I also know who I am, which is an empathy driven person, who cares for people and their wellbeing. I can hear the argument now with you saying that a good person doesn’t have to say that they’re a good person. I agree with that, but I promise I’m not trying to convince you of something, especially something you already know. Anytime any one of you needed a place to sleep, food to eat, a drive home because you were too drunk to, I was there. I was there happily. And I’d do it all over again, because I love you.
I have to say though, I was a bit surprised when you all disappeared in the most difficult time in both of me and my ex’s lives. I understand that none of you knew what was going on, but you knew we weren’t in a good place in our marriage. And if you were there for him, then kudos to you, but I could have really used your friendship and advice as well. I guess you can say that I’m still bitter about it, because your friendship meant so much to me. I’m now questioning if you valued our friendship at all. There are rumors circulating that you tell my ex that he’s better off without me. That HURTS. Even though it’s true (for both of us), doesn’t mean that you know anything about anything, because you’ve heard one side of a multifaceted story that you know nothing about.
You must be wondering why I’m writing the blog, instead of writing to you personally. First of all, there were more than a few of you. This is not directed directly at one person, but if you felt a pang of guilt, then let the shoe fit. I know it’s difficult having to choose sides when a marriage falls apart, but I would never ask you to choose one. Instead, I would’ve asked you to choose both of us. This is a semi-general letter to all of the people I’ve made connections with. I also have decided to share this publicly, because I felt like I was really alone in how I felt, and thought that someone could find solace in the fact that they aren’t unloved because their friends decided to choose a side that wasn’t theirs.
I’m not asking for us to make amends, although I wouldn’t be opposed either. I simply want you to know that I cared when you left my life. And that I didn’t forget about you. I could never. I obviously still think and pray about you all the time. I love seeing the bits of your life that you choose to share with Facebook; it truly makes me smile.
I hope you don’t forget me, and I hope you can forgive me for doing what was best for my life. I will keep the pictures of us and the memories. I hope you do too.